I am a fluffy pastor. My exterior is harsh and tough. I try and portray someone who is unapproachable because that is safer. The truth is I am fluffy. I am soft. I am a pile of mushiness. I love too much, hurt too much, care too much.
Today I called a member who had been in the hospital. For the last five years she has battled cancer, Her ovarian cancer is in her stomach and she told me today that she is done fighting. She is throwing in the towel. She has fought a good fight, finished the race, she is done. I offered to serve her communion and she accepted. I kept my composure and told her I would see her tomorrow.
Then I hung up the phone and sobbed, not so silently, in my office. I love this woman. She has become a friend and I am selfish and want her around longer. Tears have flowed on and off all day long like intermittent wipers on my car. The tears keep flowing and then I regain composure, I lead Bible study tonight and fought the tears back. I shared at a committee meeting and held the tears back.
Tomorrow I will share Jesus' love with her as we celebrate some food together and I will let the tears flow. I will be her pastor. The one who loves and cares for her. The one who appreciated her and will miss her when she is with Jesus and I am here.
I wonder how I will get through her memorial service. I will. It's what I need to do. Pretty sure I'll cry but what else can I do. I am a fluffy pastor - and will always be.
Now I'll cry and prepare to miss this friend. Enjoy Jesus as he welcomes you with open arms. I have enjoyed you in the time we have had together.
