Monday, January 18, 2010

He Used to be a Crazy Naked Guy

It was funny how that day started out. Tom had been doing what he was used to doing. His new job was to spread the word about Jesus. This had become a passion for him. Anyone and everyone had to hear his story. Most people already knew it but he could not help but share it anyway. You see, most people had known Tom when he was known around town as “the crazy naked guy.” For years Tom and been totally out of control. They had tried chaining him up so that he would no longer hurt himself or anyone else and yet he broke out of those chains repeatedly. It was horrible to watch him whip himself with those chains until he bled. People would cover their children’s eyes and ears when they saw him anywhere near, which was rare since he tended to spend most of his time roaming among the tombs. He would wander along the cliffs and howl and shriek at the top of his lungs. The sound coming out of his mouth would make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and cause your body to be covered with goose bumps. The only thing that people knew was to give Tom his distance and to keep away. Then again, people only had to encounter him when there was a funeral and someone had to be placed in the burial caves since that’s where Tom chose to live. And this made people feel at ease most of the time.

Then, one day, his life was completely changed. Jesus showed up along the shore with his disciples and Tom had charged at him. A totally unnatural voice started to beg with Jesus and the next thing anyone knew 2000 pigs were drowning themselves in the sea. The pig farmers were more than just a little upset, and so was the whole town, since the pigs had been a very big part of the economy. When the town showed up to see 2000 bobbing pigs for themselves they were all stunned by the sight of Tom. He no longer looked crazy and he was definitely no longer naked. The people were so upset over the death of the pigs that they pleaded with Jesus to leave and some even threatened him with bodily harm. Jesus just shrugged and told his disciples to get back in the boat and they would go somewhere else. That’s when Tom approached the boat and asked if he could come. Jesus very kindly told him that he needed to stay where he was and share what had happened to him. Tom was disappointed but knew what Jesus wanted him to do so he said good-bye and waved to Jesus as he and his disciples rowed out of sight.

That’s when Tom went to work, not for money, but for God. He told everyone who would listen, and many who wouldn’t, about how he had been tormented by demons until Jesus showed up. He told the people how he used to cut himself with rocks and pottery and how he used to sleep in the tombs along side of corpses. Word began to spread about Jesus and when he returned to the region a few months later Jesus could hardly move from place to place for all of the people brought to him to heal. Tom took his job seriously and the news of the messiah being present was welcomed throughout the region.

All was going well until that day during Passover. Jesus had insisted on going back to Jerusalem and ended up dead. This devastated Tom. What would he do know? He had told all of the people that Jesus was the messiah and yet he was dead. People had seen him breath his last breathe. People had seen him laid in the tomb and the stone rolled across the mouth of it. They saw he wax seal applied to the tomb to ensure that no one messed with the body. Tom wept along with many of the people who had looked to Jesus to be the promised messiah. Then, the rumors started to circulate that people had seen Jesus alive. Somehow, a miracle had happened and it seemed as if Jesus was really alive. Tom even made a trip to Jerusalem to see the empty tomb and his heart leapt with joy. But now what? What was he going to do? What should he tell people? These were the thoughts that swam circles around the inside of his head as he made his trek back to the Decapolis.

Tom returned to his house overlooking the grave tombs. He picked up some cloth and began to sow a new tunic for one of the elders in town. This was a rich man’s clothes so the golden thread showed bright against the purple fabric. The touch of it reminded him of the softness he felt when Jesus had given him a hug and told him to stay behind and tell people what had happened to him.

Ever since that day Tom had two passions in his life. The first passion was the one he had received from Jesus, “Tell others what I have done.” The second was the way he chose to be reminded of his encounter and transformation with Jesus. Tom was a tailor. With every stitch that he sewed he was reminded of the days when he ran around naked. He would see the scars on his arms and legs where he took pottery shards and cut himself. He would remember the weight of the chains that dangled from his arms. But those days were now behind him. He had this job as a way to be daily reminded of what Jesus had done for him.
As Tom sat at his table making another tunic for one of the families in town he heard someone enter his shop. “Just a moment and I’ll be with you.” Tom continued to make uniform stitches in the hem of his garment. As he finished the last stitch her placed the needle back in its holder and turned to address this person. At first, Tom thought the man looked very familiar. There was something in the way that he held himself that caused a flashback to the old days. The days before her had become a tailor. The days when people would run away and he saw himself as though outside his own body. He saw the thing that had hidden in the deep recesses of his heart. There was the man who had changed his life. “Isn’t he dead? Am I crazy? Did I just want this so much that I am imagining this?” No, it was not his imagination. The rumors were true. Jesus was risen and was standing before him. Holes in his hands, wounds visible in his sandals, face bruised but healing and with all of these distractions he was certain it was Jesus. The final nail was struck when Jesus uttered his name. “Tom, how are you?” Was the savior really asking him how he was doing? Did he really care? Were these just words to start a conversation? Tom was pretty certain that there was sincerity in the question and positive of the fact when he looked into the dark eyes of this man who had changed his life.
Then he realized it. He knew it. His heart began to race and it seemed his tongue had swollen o the point of making conversation nearly impossible. “Lord, is it You?” he asked almost afraid of the answer. “What are you doing here?” Tom asked. “I heard the rumors but I was afraid to believe and now you are here in my shop. Where are the people? Where are the crowds? Does everyone know you are alive? Have they all changed their minds?” Jesus just held up his hand and Tom stopped asking questions. He knew that Jesus was here for a reason and he needed to shut up and listen to the words of this man who was dead and now was alive.

“Yes, Tom. It is I. Don’t You remember what I said? I told everyone that I had to die. I told everyone that they could destroy the temple and I would rebuild it in three days. So, here I am. I know I look a little worse for the wear but that’s what happens to a body that is beaten and crucified.”

“I am sorry Lord. I was just so scared. I should have believed. I have been hoping to see you. Every time someone would enter I had hoped it was you. Then I gave up hoping and just decided to do my work and remember what you had done for me. That’s why I do this, you know?”

“I know” Jesus said with a smile and look of understanding. “I knew what you would be doing. The Father told me. “It’s how you stay connected isn’t it? It’s how you are reminded with every stitch, every breath that you were redeemed. Tom I am very proud of you and all that you have done. I know how hard it was when I told you that you could not come with me but look at what you have accomplished.”

“You are right, Lord. I was crushed when you told me to go home and tell my friends and family about what you had done for me. At first they were so astonished by the transformation that they could hardly hear about the one who had made it happen. But, I was persistent. I continued to tell people about you and the truth about who you are. I was so proud when you returned and everyone wanted to see you, to touch you, to hear you teach. I knew that I had a part in it and had done what I set out to accomplish. It’s why I learned to be a tailor, so I could remember what you did for me. Then it became so hard. Every time the needle pierced the fabric I thought about the way the soldier’s spear had pierced your side. I have shed a few tears as I hemmed a tunic. But now that you are here I remember all you said. You are the anointed one! You are the messiah! But why are you here? Why have you come to see me? Is there something I need to do?

“I am glad you asked,” Jesus replied. “I do have a few things I need to tell you. The first thing is thank you. Thank you for following what I told you to do. Thank you for the zealous pursuit of my charge to you. Thank you for all of the people who believe in me because of you and your faith. Next, I want to tell you to keep up your work as a tailor. Your witness to the transformation of your life speaks volumes to others. You were once naked and exposed, wandering and lost. Now you are clothed, in your right mind, and have direction in your life. Share that with others. Lastly, I want you to continue to tell others about me. Share me in your work. Share me with your family. Share me with your community. Share me with the stranger that stops in your shop and knows little or nothing of me. You have a gift and I promise you that the Father in heaven sees it and will reward you greatly.

Jesus then walked closer to Tom and wrapped his arms around him. Tom had never felt so strong and helpless at the same time. He felt the love of the Lord invade his body and it filled him from the bottom to the top as his eyes overflowed with the love imputed in that hug. “I love you and will always be with you,” Jesus said as he turned toward the door.

“I love you too Lord,” Tom said as Jesus walked through the doorway. “Thanks for everything. I will do my best to complete the task you have set before me. Bye for now.”

Monday, July 27, 2009

One of Those Days

I hate it when I wake up and feel like something is wrong,
something is off and my gut is in a knot
my head feels funny
it's like I'm on the verge of barfing
and the world is going by
sometimes at breakneck speed
and other times
with the speed of tree sap in winter
something is gnawing at the base of my mind
and I feel uneasy
and irritable
and downright pissy
but I'm an adult
so I smile
I put my best foot forward (whichever that is)
and I fight the urge to run away
to hide
to drink and smoke
and forget this feeling
and no body seems to notice that I feel (what is it exactly that I feel)
I'm not sure but nobody notices
and I endure
I guess it's just
one of those days

Monday, July 06, 2009

I've got a verse

Give beer to those who are perishing,
wine to those who are in anguish;
let them drink and forget their poverty
and remember their misery no more – Proverbs 31:6 – 7

so tonight I drink
I’ve got a verse
so screw you
I know what the Spiritually constipated think
and they can go fuck themselves

The pain that I feel cuts to my innermost parts
The pain that I feel belongs to another
but because we are called to love one another
I feel this pain
I feel it like it was my own
and I can’t fix it
and this pisses me off
and makes me sad
So I will drink my our pain away

And tomorrow the sun will rise
and we’ll do this again
But I have a verse…

Thursday, June 04, 2009

more daughter writing

Change Your Mind

i remember when
we first met
i never would have thought
we were so alike

i saw the pain
behind your eyes
i knew that pain
a part of my life

immediately
we became best of friends
i had finally found
exactly what i'd been looking for

i helped you
i became an ear to listen
a shoulder to cry on
a friend to love

in turn you helped me
you gave me purpose
to you
i was good enough

never had i experienced
such meaning
this friendship
seemed so right

i became dependent
perhaps too much
but this i didn't see
for things went so smoothly

then i was hit with a brick
you left
you placed walls
which i could not understand

you told me
you were unreliable
that caring for people
will only get you hurt

you broke my heart
and my world was devastated
i had to come to love
this friendship

but you couldn't let go
you came back
promising me
never to do that again

i believed you
things would be different now
i trusted you
that you would fix this mess

as time continued
we had our ups
those terrific times
in which my life couldn't be better

but the downs came too
the nights of abandonment
of wondering
what was wrong with me

what could make a friend
do that to another
what happened to love
to compassion

what happened to
i need you
and ill always be there for you
where were you now

i want to believe you
every time you apologize
i want to believe you
when you say you'll try

you have those moments
of awakening
your heart breaks for me
and you set forth to improve

but how long will it last
a week? a day?
how long until something else
replaces your consciousness

i am worn out
i would do anything
to change your mind
to get your attention

i blame myself
i should have never become
so dependent
but how couldn't i?

there's no denying
we have a connection
nobody else gets me
like you do

i am on my knees
i have lost my dignity
i am begging for you
to see what's been lost

i cry for you to want it
to need it like i do
i want it
i need it

i won't let go
i can't let go
i have nowhere else to go
no one else to go to

this is my final cry
prove yourself to me
prove that this friendship
means anything

i want you to want me
in your life
i want you to need me
as a friend

please
don't let me be
another name
another friend forgotten

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Despair

I came across this in book of Celtic blessings and couldn't resist posting it. I thought it was just that good.
Here's what it says:


(Despair can be caused by crushing disappointments. Often, however, it is caused by painful experiences that lie deeply buried beneath the surface of our everyday consciousness. Sometimes, sanity-destroying flashbacks bring these to mind. If You get such a flashback, focus on the image of Christ being crucified, and say a blessing on yourself in this pit of despair.)

Christ of the agony
Christ of the bleeding
Christ racked and stretched out on the Tree
I place upon you my own agony
I place upon you my bleeding heart
I place upon you my despair.

Take it
Break it
Remake it
Your Tree of death became the Tree of Life;
Give your blessing of life to me.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

daughter's writing

the breakdown of a breakdown

it starts with a thought
just a simple notion
then you can't let it go--
and this is the part where it all falls apart

your mind becomes wrapped
warped with this idea
twisting and turning it
until it consumes you

that initial lump forms
you try to swallow
it chokes you up--
and this is the part where it all falls apart

trying not to blink
letting everything blur
gripping your sides
holding back the heaves

that first tear falls
followed by more
the Breakdown has awakened--
and this is the part where it all falls apart

caught up in the moment
everything else disappears
consumed by that thought
this is your reality

searching for reassurance
there has to be some sense of light
frantically finding nothing--
and this is the part where it all falls apart

vulnerable and alone
embarrassed to have reached
such a weak state
this cannot be you

this lasts a brief period
the tears run dry
the body's worn down--
yes, this is what happens when it all falls apart

deep breath
its broken and uneven
wipe off your face
and compose yourself

some relief appears
having let out the Breakdown
its gone for now--
that is--the part where it all falls apart

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My Harley


There is something special about my Harley
She was the One for me
I remember the day I walked into the showroom floor
I had been there many times before
And couldn’t make up my mind
Then the day came
My inheritance came
So I went to the dealership
And I saw her
And I bought her

Now I feel free every time I mount her
Every time the wind is in my face
When I am freezing
When I am sunburned
When I have traveled 700 miles
When I am alone
When I am riding two-up
I am free
and happy

Today I rode
and I smiled
I stopped
and I loved
I shared
and I was full

There is something about my Harley
that is therapy
for me
and for others
I look forward to many more sessions.

More from my daughter

She's just so good I've gotta post her stuff

one

one drop can overflow a glass--
streaming down the edge
racing across the condensation
sliding through the table cracks
puddling on the floor.

it doesn't take much
after years of burrowed pardons
to reach the breaking point.
it only takes
one.