Tonight I Cried

Tonight I sat on my daughter’s bed as she shared the heartbreak of losing a friend. No her friend is not dead, at least not clinically. She is dead in many other ways. She keeps people out, like my caring compassionate daughter. She is dead in the way that she believes everyone should look out only for themselves and not let anyone in. She is dead in her isolation, her cutting, her inward pain that she has walled off from herself and others to the detriment of my little princess’s pain. I hate it. I hate seeing her in this much pain. I hate that she is not in a place that I can protect.

So I sat there on her bed tonight, thinking of the day she was born (an emergency C-section). I held her in the hallway and cried. I told her I would take care of her, play games with her, dance with her, do nails and hair with her. I told her I would always be there for her. And as I held her in my arms tonight, the tough guy cracked and tears poured down my face to match her tears. We held each other. We cried together. And somehow, this eased her pain and I felt like I had done something. Not sure what. But I know one thing.

Tonight I cried.

Reading

Somehow I forgot to read
the words and thought in black & white
had gotten replaced by the business of life
and the shit that comes with it

I received a gift in a friend
I read her writing and was inspired
inspired to write, and more importantly
to read

So that’s what I’m doing again
I’m writing
But more importantly

I’m Reading

Church is?

• Church is a lot more than what we do on Sunday mornings.
• Church is more than organs & handbells.
• Church is more than guitars and drums.
• Church is not about rules and regulations.
• Church is messy.
• Church is about community - even with people we don't like.
• Church is about loving the unloveable.
• Church is about inviting people to a life that offers hope.
• Church is about following Jesus' example to spend time with the unclean.
• Church is about eating with sinners and tax collectors.
• Church is about Jesus and doing our best to be like him. If we would all do that, the world would be a better place

Let's try and not screw this up!

A Shepherd Needed

Today I had an interview to be standing pulpit supply at a church in K-Falls. I forgot just how much I enjoy the interview process because I am always being asked how I would handle a certain kind of situation or my opinion on some theological matter. As the interview concluded I asked a few probing questions about the committee's perception on why they need a new pastor. The overwhelming response was that the people need a shepherd. They need to know that there pastor loves them and in interested in their best interests. They need to know that someone will lead and guide them, put them in the pen and guard the gate to keep the wolves away. I know that my heart is to lead people to Jesus and protect them from the wolves of the world. I now have to wait and see if this is the place for me to put this into practice.

The Power of Words

It's true that you can't un-ring a bell or put toothpaste back in the tube. It's also true that the words we say can never be taken back. This became abundantly clear this week when a coworker used a very inappropriate word when asked to do a task. Words have power and James was right when he wrote that the tongue is a mighty weapon. I will take educational process in and make it part of who I am. For once, it's nice to learn from someone else's mistake and not my own.

Life is strange

So I thought I need to spend more time writing so I'm going to commit to doing it. I was thinking about how things have not worked out the way I thought they would. Fired from 2 churches, wiping butts and giving showers for Alzheimer patients, my son going off to school and the pain of that only to have to deal with him returning home 7 weeks later. Most of the time I have no idea why life brings what it does. All I know is that God seems to be a magic eye picture and I am color blind.

God's Reminder

It seems funny to think that I cannot get through my head that I have very little to do with the size of youth group. Just when I think I'm doing something special, God loads the homework on the students and the group shrinks. Guess I need to stop taking credit for God's victories and not feel to bad when God subtracts from the group. I just miss the students when they aren't there.

Worship

I got to thinking today, "Why do so many people think that worship is about them?" I mean, too many people seem to think that the reason we gather for corporate worship if for them to get something out of it. Soren Kierkegaard said that the problem with worship is that those in the congregation should not see themselves as the audience but rather as the actors on the stage with God as audience and the pastors and musicians in the service as mere prompters in a divine production. Rather than reflecting on what we got out of the service we should be asking if what we brought to God that day was acceptable. I know I easily fall into the trap of expecting to receive something rather than give something to the creator. We would be much better off whenever we worship as actor rather than spectator. Shalom.

Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find

The Bible says we don;t have because we don't ask. So that's what I am doing. I am asking God to provide for me and my family be supporting my ministry with Staff of Hope. Sometimes we need to step out in faith so that's what I will do. It's time to put one foot in front of the other and see where God leads.
I will also be working on posting here more often. Shalom.

Thinking Theologically

It dawned on me today that we are all called to think critically about God. When we don't we become slaves to all the BS that is put in front of us. Both society and the church have an overabundance of BS and it is each person's responsibility to discern the truth. Peace out!

Stupid People

Last week at the gym, four high school aged students came in around 10:00 a.m. The guy next to me said we were being invaded by teenagers and should call the truant officer. What a jerk. No wonder high schoolers think all adults don't care. Just wanted to vent on stupid people.

Sr. High Youth Group

Tonight we talked about the gospels. It seemed as if most of the students were on another planet. Why should we even care that the same story was told four different ways? I just think it's cool the we know we should share the good news with different people in a way that they will be able to hear what we are saying. Shalom.

Jr. High Youth Group Night

Well it's my first post and I'll keep it short. Tonight we'll be discussing "how grace works." Considering that there will only be three adults here it's probably best that the orchestra concert for one of the Jr. Highs is tonight.